i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
