Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
