Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
