i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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