My cat gives me a boner
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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