I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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