I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize