i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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