So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
