Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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