My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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