He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
