How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
