so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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