No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
