i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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