Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
