I heard we made out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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