You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize