$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
