It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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