I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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