I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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