After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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