all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
