At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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