What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
