i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
