She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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