At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
