No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
