Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my being single is dangerous.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize