I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
