How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
