things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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