There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
