Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
