turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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