whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
