oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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