I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
