I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
