My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
