God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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