i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize