You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
