he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
