My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
