Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize