you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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