so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
