if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize