i just wanna soil my oats bro
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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