Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
