I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
