the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
