there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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