I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
