Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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