I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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