he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
