You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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