if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
