you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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